POP SPECS

Blimey! Since having one too many sherbets at Elton’s Oscar bash, Katie Price has gone all snap-happy! Has she bagged herself a shiny new camera phone? No, just a new boy toy, and she wants to make bloody sure we ALL know about it!

Now I’ve been known to go paparazzo after a few glasses of vino, but Katie’s been working overtime in recent weeks, testing the patience of her Facebook fans and Twitter followers with a barrage of increasingly bizarre pics featuring her new beau, Leandro Pena (yeah I’d never heard of him either).

But behind the immaculately veneered smiles and radioactive complexions, what is Katie really trying to tell us? Let’s take a look…

It's the morning after the night before... and just to be clear, WE HAD SEX!

Leandro has got the official seal of approval from my gays *three snaps in a Z formation*.

I've already introduced Leandro to my sister - that means IT'S SERIOUS!

We are SO similar, even our outfits co-ordinate!

We're all having a GREAT time without your Alex (and Pete).

We're STILL all having a great time without you Alex (and Pete).

LOOK! This is a spontaneous moment of tenderness!

LOOK! This is an un-staged kiss, it's proper true love!

So that’ll be a summer wedding, a renewal of vows by Christmas and back on ITV2 in time for the new year. After this veritable whirlwind of a romance I think I need a lie down.

What has happened to Katie Price?

She used to be the poster girl for ‘working mums’ everywhere, idolised by an army of tracksuited pram-pushers and respected for her savvy business sense (aka getting her baps out).

But her star seems to be waining faster than than a bargain basement spray tan, and no amount of charity dancing seems able to prevent the groundswell of negativity towards the nation’s former favourite bosom.

Is it finally time for Katie to hang up her iPod tiara?

Believe it or not, I used to be a genuine fan – admittedly I never queued up at one of her insufferable book signings – but I had her ITV2 reality show on series link, and in my view that’s the TRUE measure of fandom!

There was something oddly compelling about her constant back and forth between LA and Brighton for hair extensions and emergency dental work. Not to mention a colourful (mostly mahogany) supporting cast of husbands, gays and shameless hangers-on.

But last year even my tolerance of ‘The Pricey’ was tested, when she lip-synched her way through this HORRENDOUS performance of her abysmal single, Free to Love Again.

Never has there been a more blatant (or unsuccessful) attempt to appeal to the pink pound…. and did we really want to watch this whilst eating our cornflakes? NO WE DID NOT!

Since then, things have gone from bad to worse for Katie. One of her sprogs had an unfortunate run-in with a hair straightener, her ex-husband is enjoying a very public ‘showmance’ with a one-time WAG , and her own marriage has fizzled out in (so far) unspectacular fashion. Speaking of which… does she really think anyone is going to buy the lacklustre offerings from her massively over-priced clothing line? £70 for a t-shirt? REALLY??

Even a blonde makeover can’t re-ignite my enthusiasm for her ‘Jordan-era’ glory days, and with other young pretenders waiting in the wings to usurp their icon, I can’t help but feel Katie’s 15-year tabloid reign might finally be over. :(