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Justin Bieber’s perfume commercial: not creepy and weird in the slightest

You can buy just about any old shit with Justin Bieber on it these days.

Personal favourites include the official Justin Bieber rosette (for those occasions when an ordinary rosette just won’t do), the official and in no way ridiculous Justin Bieber headband, and the official Justin Bieber cheer shorts – which have ‘Bieber’s Girl’ tastefully emblazoned across the underaged arse cheeks of course.

Spurred on by the overwhelming success of his nail polish range (WTF!?), the Biebster has now bottled his very own musky teenage scent, alluringly titled, Someday.

Amazingly, the TV commercial seems to suggest that one squirt of Bieber juice will result in some over-ethusiastic neck nuzzling and piggy-back-ride from a Boy’s Dont Cry era Hilary Swank!?

Now if that doesn’t get half a billion teenage girls soiling their Bieber branded knickers, I don’t know what will.

Princess Beatrice and THAT wedding hat

The Royal Wedding was lovely wasn’t it? It’s nice when an event brings the whole country together in one moment of celebration and national pride… that was until Princess Beatrice stepped out of her car looking like this. Oh dear.

Cementing her position as the nation’s least favourite princess, the spawn of Fergie looked a right royal plonker wearing a toilet seat inspired hat by milliner du jour, Philip Treacy.

But while the likes of Posh and TPT’s nose opted for Treacy’s (somewhat) more demure head-pieces, Princess B went all out with this show-stopping monstrosity, that looked like she’d had a head-on collision with a giant uterus.

Now I’m no fashion expert, but I don’t think any amount of ‘smokey eye’ can rescue this look, sorry Bea.

Katie and Leandro’s photo love story

Blimey! Since having one too many sherbets at Elton’s Oscar bash, Katie Price has gone all snap-happy! Has she bagged herself a shiny new camera phone? No, just a new boy toy, and she wants to make bloody sure we ALL know about it!

Now I’ve been known to go paparazzo after a few glasses of vino, but Katie’s been working overtime in recent weeks, testing the patience of her Facebook fans and Twitter followers with a barrage of increasingly bizarre pics featuring her new beau, Leandro Pena (yeah I’d never heard of him either).

But behind the immaculately veneered smiles and radioactive complexions, what is Katie really trying to tell us? Let’s take a look…

It's the morning after the night before... and just to be clear, WE HAD SEX!

Leandro has got the official seal of approval from my gays *three snaps in a Z formation*.

I've already introduced Leandro to my sister - that means IT'S SERIOUS!

We are SO similar, even our outfits co-ordinate!

We're all having a GREAT time without your Alex (and Pete).

We're STILL all having a great time without you Alex (and Pete).

LOOK! This is a spontaneous moment of tenderness!

LOOK! This is an un-staged kiss, it's proper true love!

So that’ll be a summer wedding, a renewal of vows by Christmas and back on ITV2 in time for the new year. After this veritable whirlwind of a romance I think I need a lie down.

The Price is (not) right

What has happened to Katie Price?

She used to be the poster girl for ‘working mums’ everywhere, idolised by an army of tracksuited pram-pushers and respected for her savvy business sense (aka getting her baps out).

But her star seems to be waining faster than than a bargain basement spray tan, and no amount of charity dancing seems able to prevent the groundswell of negativity towards the nation’s former favourite bosom.

Is it finally time for Katie to hang up her iPod tiara?

Believe it or not, I used to be a genuine fan – admittedly I never queued up at one of her insufferable book signings – but I had her ITV2 reality show on series link, and in my view that’s the TRUE measure of fandom!

There was something oddly compelling about her constant back and forth between LA and Brighton for hair extensions and emergency dental work. Not to mention a colourful (mostly mahogany) supporting cast of husbands, gays and shameless hangers-on.

But last year even my tolerance of ‘The Pricey’ was tested, when she lip-synched her way through this HORRENDOUS performance of her abysmal single, Free to Love Again.

Never has there been a more blatant (or unsuccessful) attempt to appeal to the pink pound…. and did we really want to watch this whilst eating our cornflakes? NO WE DID NOT!

Since then, things have gone from bad to worse for Katie. One of her sprogs had an unfortunate run-in with a hair straightener, her ex-husband is enjoying a very public ‘showmance’ with a one-time WAG , and her own marriage has fizzled out in (so far) unspectacular fashion. Speaking of which… does she really think anyone is going to buy the lacklustre offerings from her massively over-priced clothing line? £70 for a t-shirt? REALLY??

Even a blonde makeover can’t re-ignite my enthusiasm for her ‘Jordan-era’ glory days, and with other young pretenders waiting in the wings to usurp their icon, I can’t help but feel Katie’s 15-year tabloid reign might finally be over. :(

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