TV Review: Tamara Ecclestone: Billion $$ Girl

I love a good heiress. Whether it’s Paris Hilton stuffing coke up her vajayjay (allegedly), or Chloe Green flaunting her – frankly more scandalous – mug on Made In Chelsea, there’s nothing quite like an heiress to inject some much needed LOLs into our otherwise miserable, poverty stricken lives.

Tamara ‘I’m sweating like a whore in church’ Ecclestone is the latest silver tongued heiress with more money than manners, to be thrust down the nation’s throat curtesy of Channel 5′s new reality series, Tamara Ecclestone: Billion $$ Girl.

Daughter of motor racing mogul, Bernie Ecclestone, Tamara says she hopes the show will prove she’s not a vacuous air-head, before inexplicably proclaiming ‘shoes make me happy’ and  - without the slightest sense of irony – that she’d rather collect Birkin handbags than art. Mission accomplished, Tamara.

As everyone knows, a good heiress is not complete without an assortment of pampered pooches to poo all over their Billion $$ pad and Tamara is no exception. A chauffeur driven trip to Harrods sees Tamara treat her five, four-legged friends to blueberry facials, painted nails and oh, so essential ‘sparkle treatments’. Does PETA know what this woman subjects her dogs to?

But life’s not all about Louboutins, Lamborghinis and laser cellulite removal for Tamara. Apparently there’s a head for business hidden under those Gary Cockerill teased tresses, and there are plans afoot for Tamara to ‘take the world by storm’ by deploying the ultimate weapon in an heiress armoury… A SHAMPOO LINE!

However things get off to a rocky start, when Tamara’s Billion $$ dad threatens legal action after getting wind of her plans to name the shampoo ‘Formula One’, and QVC give it a resounding thumbs down for being too downmarket. I don’t think Katie Price will be quaking in her pink Uggs just yet :(

When she’s not checking herself into hospital to receive emergency treatment for an ‘enormous’ – aka barely noticeable – spot (I wish I was joking), Tamara likes to holiday with her Billion $$ sister, Petra at LEAST once a month.

Special mention must go to Petra’s odious beau, James ‘it’s all about the Benjamins’ Stunt, who chain-smokes and guffaws his way through a disastrous trip to Cannes, whilst sporting a Brentwood-slicked barnet and succession of brilliantly tasteless Billion $$ outfits. This man deserves a show of his own.

In summary, Tamara Eccleston: Billion $$ Girl manages to reaffirm all the preconceptions we have of over-privileged offspring, whilst  providing very little entertainment along the way. Thank heavens for small mercies that Channel 5 only commissioned three episodes and that Tamara Ecclestone will be disappearing back into Billion $$ obscurity very soon.

Tamara Ecclestone: Billion $$ Girl is on Channel 5 on Fridays, at 10:30pm.

Pop Specs rating:

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