TV Review: The Apprentice

Inept office workers rejoice, because Lordy Lord Sugar is back, and on the hunt for yet another ‘rough diamond’ who is slightly less crap than all the others to become his next apprentice.

[Insert brilliantly melodramatic orchestral score here]

But things are a little different this time around, as the belligerent one is actually looking for a ‘business partner’ and not an apprentice anymore. Oh well, presumably all vacancies for below average sales execs with exaggerated CVs have been filled?

Having already been treated to a double bill of episodes in week one, it’s immediately apparent that this year’s crop of twerps are as brilliantly bonkers as ever.

Episode one was all about Edward Hunter, an accountant who DESPERATELY wanted to break out of the accountancy stereotype, and yet somehow managed to have less charisma and dynamism than a pocket calculator. Shame.

Having failed to lead ‘Team Logic’ to victory (brilliant name BTW), Edward went on to give a baffling account of himself in the boardroom. Not surprisingly, he was given the boot quicker than you can say BORE OFF ACCOUNTANCY MAN!

Fast forward to episode two, and it was evil Edna Agbarha who made the biggest impression. Having previously admitted her (bizarre) preference to ‘seek out pain than pleasure’, Edna’s super-villain credentials were quickly confirmed by a series of lethal withering looks, and a pair of inexplicable arm-length gloves.

Somehow Edna managed to secure a win for the girls, after their hilarious (aka not hilarious) mobile phone app, Ampi-App was downloaded more times than the boy’s hilarious (aka similarly not hilarious) Slangatang. Seriously, who downloads this crap?

So that’s a convincing 2-0 lead to the girls, but I’m not writing the boys off just yet. With the brains of Tom ‘inventor of the curved nail file’ Pellereau behind them, and the charms of über-spiv and and all-round slime-ball,Vincent Disneur, I’m expecting GREAT things from them in the weeks to come.

The Apprentice is on BBC1 on Wednesdays, at 9pm.

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